


They Got Together. You Won't Believe What Happened Next!

by StephaniD



Series: Parenting Can't be THAT Hard... [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Adopted Children, Baby Fic, Babyfic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Future Fic, Gen, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2019-02-14 04:58:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13000362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StephaniD/pseuds/StephaniD
Summary: (Previously titled 'BABIES')Set a couple years after the movie, Laura and Carmilla have a baby! Then Mattie shows up to let them know that they're not the only ones with a little one...





	1. Just Another Day in Paradise

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! Happy Thursgay! Thank you to all my wonderful betas for helping me make this as awesome as I could.

Carmilla liked to read in the nursery as her daughter slept sometimes. Not only did it reduce the number of times the baby screamed for attention during the night, Carmilla liked to listen to her tiny breaths. She glanced up as the baby shifted around, silently putting her book down and walking over to the crib.  

LaFontaine had offered to help the couple conceive a child that was genetically half each of them, but Laura had adamantly refused. Carmilla had offered to pay for everything, and had admittedly been thinking of the baby pictures of Laura that Sherman Hollis had showed her, but Laura had insisted on adopting a baby that needed a loving home. The tiny human’s huge heart won Carmilla over, again. Plus, Carmilla wasn’t sure if her body would be able to get pregnant (and was unwilling to let LaF perform any tests), so it was ultimately Laura’s call.

The baby’s face wrinkled, then the tiny mouth opened to draw in a big breath and Carmilla scooped her into her arms as she began to wail. Carmilla sighed at herself, shifting the baby over her shoulder to hold her with one hand. She should have known better than to watch the baby sleep, that was just inviting a tantrum. Tiny hands fisted in her hair in rage. She rocked and bounced the little girl, grabbing a pacifier and patiently holding it in the baby’s mouth as she screamed.  
“Come on, now, Laura needs to sleep.” She murmured. Her daughter didn’t care. “I know you’re mad you’re awake, but that’s no reason to wake your mommy.” The baby sucked on the binky for a few seconds, just long enough for Carmilla to get her hopes up, before trying to spit it out and screaming some more. Carmilla tossed it back in the crib, sitting in the nursery rocking chair and moving the baby to a cradling position, once Carmilla had extricated her hair. “You know,” she said conversationally, starting to rock, “your mommy’s angry face is a lot cuter. Less pink. You’ve got a lot to learn, Tiny Terror.” She was far too old to remember any lullabies from her childhood, but Laura had bought multiple lullaby CDs for the baby. Carmilla started the CD player and soft voices began singing in French. Her daughter continued to scream over them. She sighed and continued rocking.

“Have you tried this?” Laura padded into the room holding a bottle.  
“Not yet. Sorry she woke you.” Carmilla smiled at her wife.  
“Not the first time, won’t be the last.” Laura directed her attention to the infant. “Are you hungry, sweetheart?” She put the nipple of the warm bottle in the baby’s mouth and they waited for her to realize it was there. Carmilla took the bottle to prevent Laura’s arm getting tired.  
“You should go back to sleep.”  
“My alarm will go off in a few hours anyway.”  
“So that’s a few hours sleep you can get.” The baby’s cries quieted as she started sucking on the bottle and Carmilla raised an eyebrow. “Mommy to the rescue.” She murmured as Laura stroked the baby’s head. “Now Mommy should go back to bed.”  
“Not without Mutti.” Laura smiled. It was German, Carmilla had decided she could live with it. It sounded best coming out of Laura’s mouth, but she expected Laura to take second place once the baby learned to speak.  
“How about all three of us?” Carmilla compromised.  
“Mmmm, okay.” Laura turned slowly on the spot and slipped out of the nursery; Carmilla followed after.

Carmilla sat against the pillows, still feeding their daughter, who was looking up at her with wide eyes. Very much awake eyes. Laura sat beside her and leaned her head against Carmilla’s shoulder. Carmilla smiled, recalling the vast numbers of “us-ies” Laura had taken in this same configuration when they’d first adopted the baby and Laura’s need to document everything was back in full swing. There were even a couple pictures where Carmilla actually looked fully content, though those were usually candids. She watched as her wife and daughter slowly drifted to sleep, both resting on her. It was one of the best feelings ever, she’d decided, feeling the lungs of the people she loved most in the world peacefully inflating and deflating against her.

Carmilla moved her hands to block the baby’s ears a minute before Laura’s alarm went off, and tried to nudge her wife awake, but the brief alarm still woke their daughter, who wailed her discontent.  
“I’ve got her, get ready for work.” Carmilla smiled as Laura held her hands out.  
“Thank you.” Laura leaned over to give her wife a quick kiss. Carmilla changed and dressed the baby before carrying her to the kitchen, buckling her in her high chair and placing some toys on the tray while a bottle heated. She stopped crying long enough to look at the toys, then resumed as she threw them to the ground. Carmilla let her scream for now.

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry we can’t program your bottle to be warm when you wake up.” Laura crooned, buttoning up a blouse as she entered the kitchen.  
“What are you doing in here so early?” Carmilla asked, testing the formula temperature.  
“I’m changing up my schedule. If I help with breakfast before doing my makeup I can help you with her, and not waste lipstick all over my coffee mug.”  
“Okay, okay, here it is.” Carmilla announced, bringing the bottle over to the screaming infant. After a few seconds she took it, drinking away, leaning against the seat back. “Happy now, our Miniature Menace?” Carmilla put her hands on her hips.  
“You know you’re going to have to stop calling her those when she learns to talk.” Laura smiled and slid her arms around Carmilla’s waist, resting her chin on the vampire's shoulder.  
“Why’s that?” Carmilla rested her hands on Laura’s, nuzzling her head against her wife's.  
“You can’t call her a menace when she can understand you. What if she thinks you mean it?”  
“Laura. Would I ever act like I mean it?” Carmilla turned her head more to look at her wife, their noses touching.  
“Well, no… It’s been adorable watching your maternal side come out-”  
“Not this again.” Carmilla walked out of Laura’s arms to start coffee.  
“As much as you try to deny it, you can be quite a big old softie.” Laura teased. Carmilla grumbled. “All our friends know it. What are you going to do when she’s in kindergarten and performs in the class play?”  
“She’s not even a year old yet, I will deal with that when we get to it.”  
“She’s getting close to a year.”  
“You’re right, we’re going to have to start planning the first birthday party invitations soon.” Carmilla noted nonchalantly.  
“No, you are not sidetracking me with planning.” Laura smiled.  
“Would I do that?” Carmilla grinned unabashedly.  
“Frequently.”  
“Here’s your coffee, you want cereal?”  
“Thanks, sure.”  
“I've got the milk.” Carmilla already had the refrigerator open, bottle of Hemo-soy under one arm. Laura grabbed the box of cereal, shaking some onto the tray of the high chair before pouring her own bowl.

Breakfast was a quiet affair, afterwards Carmilla strapped the baby in her carrier while Laura finished putting her makeup on. Carmilla kissed them both goodbye and went to bed for the day. 


	2. Just Another Day in Paradise (Part 2)

Carmilla woke to 'Slap! Clunk! Slap! Clunk!’ coming towards her over the hardwood floor. She grinned and sighed as she recognized the sound.   
“Here comes Trouble.” She grinned, sitting up and looking down at her daughter crawling towards the bed, plastic toy in one hand. The baby pulled herself up to a standing position against the bed, smiling proudly at Carmilla.   
“Moomoo! AdadadadadaaAAAAA!” She shrieked and babbled, waving her toy and thumping it against the bed emphatically.  
“I'm gonna guess you want up.” She reached down to lift the young girl into her arms, earning a few hits to the head from the toy. “No.” She declared, hugging the girl to her chest, pinning her little arms to her sides. “Hitting is very rude, little one.” Carmilla lay down, hoping to get some more sleep and coax the baby to nap, but she wriggled free, clambering over Carmilla and eventually standing on her ribcage. She surveyed the bedroom happily. “Yeah, okay, you win.” Carmilla grumbled. She sat up, catching the baby as she fell, earning a peal of laughter. Carmilla grinned and kissed her forehead. “You're not going to let me get any more sleep are you?” Carmilla asked, eyeing Laura's clock. It wasn't too early. It was after 5:30, that much was evident by their daughter being home. The baby babbled. Carmilla propped her on her hip and carried her into the kitchen, where Laura was cooking dinner. 

“Guess who was a little angel at daycare today.” Laura smiled, giving her wife a kiss on the cheek.   
“You.” Carmilla deadpanned.   
“Yes, Carm, I was an angel at daycare today.” Laura smiled. “Apparently she didn't cry once.”   
“Really?” Carmilla turned her head to the baby, who was trying to cram her toy in her mouth. “You've got them all at your beck and call, huh? It's that adorable little face. You know exactly how to use it to your advantage. I’ve got bad news, it won't be that easy forever, kiddo.”   
“Carm.” Laura warned.   
“I mean potty training.” Carmilla responded innocently. “No matter how cute she is, we're not changing diapers forever.”   
“Unless she has some disability that necessitates that.”   
“Really, Laura?”  
“Just being realistic.” 

“What's for dinner?” Carmilla blatantly changed the subject, starting to make coffee one-handed.   
“Chicken parm. Are you going to want some or should I put the second serving in the fridge?” A few years ago Laura had started making two servings of dinner no matter what it was. If Carmilla wasn't in the mood to eat, the leftovers could be easily saved.   
“Fridge.” Carmilla responded, opening it and grabbing Hemo-soy. The baby reached for it as Carmilla brought it to her mouth and then held it away, laughing. “No no no, little one, I promise you don't want this.” The infant dropped her toy to reach for the dark colored bottle with both hands, grunting. Carmilla set it on the counter.   
“Still?” Laura asked.   
“Eventually she'll get the picture. Or try some and hate the taste. It is vegan, it won't kill her.” Carmilla shrugged, buckling her into the high chair and putting the toy she'd dropped on the tray. “How about some cereal instead?” She grabbed a handful from the box and plunked it on the tray.   
“Moomoo.” The baby grunted and frowned at her for a few seconds before relenting and eating the cereal. 

Laura had her chicken parmesan while Carmilla had a liquid dinner and fed their daughter mashed veggies. After dinner they had baby playtime and bedtime (getting utterly soaked at bathtime), then poured a couple glasses of wine to rewatch the Wonder Woman movie. After the movie Carmilla went back in the kitchen to refill her glass. Laura glanced at her glass when she settled back into the sofa, sniffing, then arching an eyebrow at Carmilla.   
“Really?” She asked.  
“I don't want to dirty another glass.” Carmilla responded, taking a sip.  
“And you kind of love the aesthetic of drinking Hemo-soy from a wine glass.”  
“Mmmm, you're not wrong.” Carmilla replied. “You should go to bed, I'll clean up.”  
“Thanks. Love you. Night.”  
“Love you.” Carmilla smiled as Laura leaned over her for a kiss. She bit Laura's lower lip a bit as the human pulled away, idly hoping Laura was in the mood. 

“Oh really?” Laura grinned.   
“If you want to.” Carmilla's grin matched her wife’s as she set her wine glass on the coffee table.   
“Oh, I want to. Did you want to go to the bed?” Couch sex was awkward, but they'd managed fine in the past.   
“Yeah.”  
“Well that is one way to make me go to bed on time.” Laura joked as they both stood and walked to the bedroom. “Maybe not go to sleep…” 


	3. Hey, Mattie

Carmilla kissed Laura good night, slipping into soft clothes and grabbing her laptop to work in the living room. She'd started translating ancient texts as an online job. It was something to do at night, and brought in some money. Laura now worried about supporting three people on a journalist’s salary and Carmilla’s inheritance, and setting up a college fund for the baby. She stretched after a few hours of work and cleaned up the living room, putting the DVD in the box and away, putting the baby's toys where they belonged, setting the wine glasses in the sink.

She grabbed her half-finished bottle of Hemo-soy from the fridge.  
“Hey, Mattie.” She greeted her suddenly-appeared sister without looking up.  
“Hey, sis.” Matska, dressed to the nines as always, brushed Carmilla’s hair off her shoulder.  
“Why are you-”  
“Back from the Underworld? And lounging in your charmingly bohemian _pied-à-terre_?” She chuckled.  
“For starters.”  
“You and I, and ‘the little _ing_ _é_ _nue_ that could’ are going on a road trip.” Carmilla watched as Mattie strolled around the kitchen. “Turns out the anglerfish was female.” They’d known that before. “Before it died, it laid eggs.” Of course it had. “Just, an alarming number of eggs.” Mattie sighed. Carmilla took a swig of Hemo-soy.

“Moomoomoomoomoomoomoomoo!” Her daughter happily announced that she was awake and wanted attention. Matska raised her eyebrows at her sister. Carmilla arched an eyebrow in response.  
“Speaking of babies…” Carmilla drawled.  
“You have a little one?”  
“You didn't know?” Carmilla'd assumed Mattie had sensed the infant from the moment she'd appeared. Perhaps she was too focused on the news she was here to deliver.  
“Let's see the Bittybite.” Mattie grinned.  
“Mattie, no!” Carmilla hissed, but her sister was already gone and within a second was back with the baby in her arms. Her daughter stared at Mattie for a second, then screwed up her face, took a deep breath, and began to _howl_. Carmilla sighed and started a bottle warming.  
“She's completely human.” Mattie marveled, bouncing and rocking the infant as she reached for Carmilla.  
“MOOMOO!” The baby shrieked.  
“Of course she’s human. And you scared her, and she's going to wake Laura.” Carmilla stated. Mattie smirked at her. “Behave.” Carmilla pointed at her sister. “No threatening my wife.”  
“Wife?” Mattie asked, intrigued.  
“Wife.” Carmilla quickly grabbed a wedding picture from the living room and showed Mattie.  
“Wow, Kitty, you're really doing the settling down thing. It's precious. My sister-in-law is headed this way.”  
“I hear her.” Carmilla went to meet Laura in the hallway.  
“Sounds like someone's having a rough night.” Laura yawned.  
“You have no idea. My sister's here.”  
“Mattie's here.” Laura repeated, dumbfounded. “With the baby.” Who was still screaming.  
“She's fine, aside from being awake. Mattie has news.” They reentered the kitchen.  
“MOOMOO!” The baby screeched, reaching for them. “MAMA!”  
“Okay, come here, I'm here.” Carmilla sighed, holding her close and rubbing her back as she bawled. Laura finished prepping the bottle and Carmilla fed the baby as Mattie related what she knew.

“Road trip?” Laura asked. “I have a journalism job, and we have a baby.”  
“I thought your moral little self would jump at the chance to save the world again,” Mattie observed.  
“I mean we kind of have to, but again: Baby.”  
“So find a sitter.”  
“For who-knows-how-long?”  
“So bring the little one with us.”  
“Into untold danger?”  
“Laura, I'm pretty sure those are our only options.” Carmilla added. “Either she stays here or she comes with us. Or maybe we can ask Danny to come along as supernatural babysitter or something.”  
“I feel like Raggedy-Ann would love to take care of the darling girl.” Mattie volunteered. Carmilla's jaw clenched and she exhaled audibly. “What, you don't like the moppet any more? Or- no, since Mother used those words for you, we can't use them for your daughter? That's no fun, Kitty-cat.” Mattie pouted.  
“Laura and I have been managing just fine for over six months without using any of those words.” Carmilla replied icily.  
“Mattie, if you're not even going to respect your sister, you can leave right now.” Laura crossed her arms.  
“Are you going to kick me out?” Matska chuckled, drawing herself up in her heels and stepping over to loom over Laura. Why did everyone try that? Her wife may be a little short, but when everyone was taller than you, it stopped being as intimidating.  
“If need be; we've got loads of spell books and stuff.” Laura replied. “I'm sure we can magically banish you or something. Or you can cut the act and listen to your sister.” Carmilla pressed a kiss to Laura's cheek.  
“Mama. Mama.” The baby reached for Laura, Carmilla passed her over, setting the bottle on the counter.  
“So?” Carmilla asked Matska. “What’ll it be? I'm sure we can kill a bunch of tiny anglerfish gods and goddesses without your help.”  
“Moomoo. Moomoo. Moomoo.” The baby reached for Carmilla again.  
“Oh, make up your mind, my Diminutive Demon.” Carmilla gathered the girl in her arms again. The baby smiled at her for a second before reaching for Laura again.  
“Mama.”  
“If you go back to Mommy, I'm not going to hold you again five seconds later.” Carmilla warned, passing the baby back. She giggled from Laura's arms.  
“You're Moomoo?” Mattie chuckled.  
“She can't say Mutti yet.” Carmilla sighed.  
“Moomoo.” The baby reached for her.  
“That's enough of this game.” Carmilla took the baby from Laura's arms and set her on the floor.  
“Mutti. Because Maman has too many painful memories?” Mattie raised an eyebrow.  
“Yes. And we're back to the question of if you're going to respect that, or if we need to kick you out of our house.” Carmilla frowned. She didn't understand why this was such a big deal to Mattie, why her sister didn't understand.  
“You know, little sister, just because you call your daughter some of the same words Mother called you, or you use the French word for 'mother’ like she did, that doesn't mean you're going to act like her.” Mattie soothed.  
“I still don't want any reminders of her.” Carmilla replied simply, staring down her big sister, daring her to argue with that.  
“Oh, fine, fine, I'm sure I can come up with new pet names for the little one.” Mattie smiled.

“What's her name, anyway?” Mattie asked.  
“Moomoo.” The baby had pulled herself up by Carmilla's black jeans and was reaching up to be held. The vampire looked down at her daughter.  
“I told you I'm not playing this game.”  
“Her birth mother named her Charity but we've been discussing changing it.” Laura shrugged.  
“People generally just call her 'the baby’ anyway.” Carmilla added.  
“Moomoo.” The baby pulled on Carmilla's jeans.  
“Go to Mommy, she'll pick you up.” Carmilla pointed to her wife, who held her arms out for the infant.  
“Mama.” The baby repeated, looking at Laura.  
“Yes.” Carmilla replied.  
“Moomoo.” She reached up to Carmilla, who sighed.  
“Here, meet your Aunt Mattie.” Carmilla swept the girl up and held her out toward the doubly-resurrected woman. The infant whined and squirmed, trying to twist around and reach for Carmilla.  
“Carm, we just got her quiet.” Laura sighed.  
“Moomoo!”  
“I'm right here.”  
“What's the matter, Bittybite?” Mattie crooned, cradling the girl. Laura watched warily. The baby whined, reaching for her mothers.  
“Moomoo! Mama!”  
“You're fine.” Carmilla replied. Mattie gently bounced the baby, who's whines pitched higher and louder.   
“She's going to start crying again.” Laura murmured.  
“Yeah.” Carmilla agreed, but neither woman stepped forward to take the infant. After a few more seconds her whines turned into bawling. “This isn't daycare, Tiny Terror. You need to learn to be okay with strangers.” The crying continued. Laura stepped close and the crying quieted.  
“MAMA!” She screeched, reaching for Laura.   
“You're okay, Sweetie.” Laura stroked her head.  
“MAAAA! MAAAAAA!” She howled as she grabbed Laura's sleeve and refused to let go. 

After a few minutes of trying to convince the infant that she wasn't in  mortal peril, they'd only succeeded in wearing down everyone's patience. The baby's face was bright red and her screaming had only increased.   
“This isn't working.” Laura sighed. “Okay, honey, come here.” She gathered the girl in her arms, where she gradually quieted.  
“You realize you're teaching her that screaming will get her what she wants?” Mattie asked.  
“A fact which you apparently learned as well.” Carmilla replied coolly. “Laura and I are handling parenting just fine, thank you for your input.” 

“Okay.” Laura sighed. “We need to get the baby back to bed at least.”   
“And you.” Carmilla added.  
“I can stay up.”  
“Laura, it's not fair that I get to sleep through the day and you can't sleep through the night. We agreed that I'd do my best to handle her at night so you can sleep.”  
“Well then come put her to bed with me.” Laura held out an elbow for Carmilla to loop an arm through.  
“And then I'm putting you to bed.” Carmilla replied, linking her arm with her wife's. “Mattie, make yourself at home, I'll be back to talk once the humans are asleep.” She said as she accompanied Laura out of the kitchen.  
“Try some Hemo-soy.” Laura said over her shoulder. Carmilla couldn't tell if Laura was sincere or joking. 

Luckily all the screaming had worn the baby out and she fell back to sleep quickly. The same could not be said for Laura, the women held each other for over an hour to no avail. Eventually Laura pushed Carmilla out of bed to talk to her sister. 

“Okay, so we need to go find and kill how many baby anglerfish gods and goddesses?” Carmilla strolled into the living room, where Mattie was looking over all their pictures.   
“I have to admit, as much as I couldn’t stand the mayfly, I’m glad to see you so happy.” Mattie was looking at a picture from the day they’d officially adopted baby Charity, Laura holding the sleeping two-month-old, Carmilla holding Laura and showing the camera the adoption certificate. Neither woman had bothered to look at the camera.  
“I will show you the baby's photo album once we figure out what we're up against.” Carmilla drew her sister's attention to the matter at hand. The baby was adorable, of course, but she hadn't expected her over-1000-year-old sister to be so enamoured.  
“Right. Baby anglerfish.”  
“Any clue where they are?”  
“A few, but the anglerfish laid dozens of eggs.”  
“Any clue how to find them?” Carmilla sighed.  
“There are some signs.”  
“Such as?”  
“Earthquakes, disappearances, cults…” Mattie listed.   
“So exactly what I'd expect. Is that just the females?”  
“Unfortunately. I don't know what male anglerfish gods want.” 


	4. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple fun facts: the gender neutral alternative to 'aunt' or 'uncle' is 'ommer', and the gender neutral alternative to 'niece' or 'nephew' is 'nibling' :)

Mattie had been miffed that Carmilla had gotten married and adopted a baby without letting her big sister know, but Carmilla apologized and pointed out that she had no way of contacting the older woman. The sisters glanced up from the photo album as Laura's alarm clock went off.   
“Time to get the baby up.” Carmilla murmured as she stood.   
“Let me give you a hand with the babe.” Mattie offered.   
“Sure.” Carmilla shrugged. “You remember how to change a diaper?” 

The baby frowned at Mattie, who tried to distract her while Carmilla changed her diaper.   
“Here, eat your feet.” Carmilla put the infant’s hands on her feet to hold them out of the way. She did grab one of them to pull to her mouth, Mattie held the other. 

“This routine is every day?” Mattie asked as Carmilla offered her a bottle of Hemo-soy. “I don't need food anymore.” She deferred.    
“Every weekday. On weekends we both stay up late to spend more time together.”   
“Do we have a plan?” Laura asked, entering the kitchen and starting to make coffee.   
“Mattie knows the symptoms of an anglerfish goddess appearing somewhere; we've got a handful of those to off already. I sent an email to the Dimwits letting them know and asking if they want in on flying around the world with a baby and killing more anglerfish.” Carmilla ticked off on her fingers. “You can let your boss know today and/or we can try to do this on weekends.”   
“The Dimwits refers to all our school friends, right?” Laura asked. Mattie snorted at that.   
“Let me check, I have them as a group.” Carmilla pulled her phone out. “The 3 gingers, dudebro, Robin Hood, ex-roommate.”   
“Okay, I can talk to my boss today, send an email at least.” 

Mattie stayed out of the way as the couple went through their morning routine, unobtrusive even as Carmilla kissed the humans goodbye.   
“Okay, I need to go to bed soon. You're free to hang around here or go back to the Underworld or whatever.”   
“If I head out, what time would you want me back?”   
“Eh, anytime between 6 and 9 p.m. would be good.”   
“Good morning, little sister.” Mattie smiled warmly and gestured towards Carmilla and Laura's bedroom.   
“Morning, Mattie.” Carmilla smiled in return, yawning as she headed to bed. 

The group emailed back and forth and a couple weeks later they all met up at Laura and Carmilla's early Friday evening. Laura and Perry had each rented a minivan for the weekend.    
“It's Hurricane Charity!” LaFontaine cried, lifting the baby and spinning her around. She tolerated this for a few seconds before she began to fuss.   
“Slower, Sweetie.” Perry called.   
“Tropical Storm Charity!” They amended, holding the infant closer and spinning slower. She peered up at them and began to fuss again, writhing in their arms.   
“Mama! Mama!”   
“You don't remember your Ommer?” LaF asked with a frown, stopping their spin.   
“It has been a couple months since we saw her. That's a lot of time for a baby.” Perry reminded them. The baby grunted, trying to sit up in LaFontaine's arms.   
“Mama!” Laura sighed as she put the baby on her hip, who hid her face in Laura's armpit. Once everyone arrived they put the baby in her car seat, put anyone who'd biked over's bike inside, and loaded into the vans. (Carmilla and Laura had already spent an hour taking the baby's carseat out of their car and strapping it in their rental.) 

One truck stop dinner and hours of arguing over music later, they pulled into the motel. Laura, Carmilla, Perry, and LaF were sharing a room; Danny, Mel, Kirsch, and Betty were next door. The humans quickly went to bed, the baby curled against Laura's chest. Carmilla and Danny lounged by the empty pool, drinking Hemo-soy and not really talking. Eventually they returned to the motel rooms, Carmilla to translate some texts and hope the blue light from the screen would tire her enough to nap before they had to go kill a baby anglerfish goddess. She had no clue what Danny was up to. At around 2 a.m. Carmilla slid her arms under Laura's knees and shoulders, pulling her to one side of the bed, then laying down on the empty side, the baby between them. She wasn't tired in the slightest, but hoped that she'd be able to fall asleep with a few hours of trying. 


	5. Baby Anglerfish Goddess

“Okay, I can't imagine this will be too hard, it's just a baby. And Betty's with us, she's slayed a dragon.” Laura said as she tucked a spellbook in a backpack. “Hopefully we'll have cell service.”  
“Laura, honey, we'll be fine.” Perry smiled, gently bouncing the baby and easily sidestepping LaFontaine, who was putting sensors around the room.  
“This is weird, right? I'm the one going to kill an anglerfish goddess and I'm probably more worried than the one staying here.” Laura asked.  
“Sounds like parenthood.” Carmilla replied. “She'll be fine, Cupcake. We'll kill the goddess, no big deal, and be back to rescue Betty Crocker from Chaos Incarnate.”  
“Yeah, you guys are right, everything will go to spec.” Laura smiled hopefully. LaFontaine hurriedly knocked on the wooden dresser. Laura's grin fell as she lolled her head over to glare at them.  
“No offense, L, but if jinxing ends up being real, it'd be us who'd find it. I'd rather ward off any possible negative consequences, and that includes stating that we're going to win.”  
“Is that why you're setting up supernatural alarms?” Carmilla asked.  
“This is more of a just-in-case scenario. If these paranormal anglerfish are like normal ones, the males are several orders of magnitude smaller than the females and I want to know if they're nearby.” They explained.

“Ready when you are.” Betty called, knocking on the door. LaFontaine finished hooking up their sensors and hugged Perry goodbye.  
“See you soon, Control Freak.”  
“Be safe, Weirdo.”  
“Be good for your Auntie Perry, Munchkin.” Laura kissed the baby's head.  
“Love you, Princess Pest.” Carmilla did the same. The baby stared at them and began to fuss as her mothers grabbed their backpacks and headed for the door, reaching after them.  
“Mama! Moomoo!” Laura grabbed Carmilla's hand and pulled her out the door, calling a quick thank you to Perry as the baby began to bawl.  
“Good luck, P.” LaF murmured as they all started to pile in one minivan. Mattie appeared with a smile to direct them to where the goddess had taken up residence.  
“Now we have to cram four humans, two vampires, a cyborg,  and  a ghost into this van?” Mel complained.  
“You could always stay behind.” Mattie gestured towards the motel room where the baby was still screaming.  
“Or we could not use seatbelts.” Mel responded with a scowl.  
“Don't tell Perry.” Danny chuckled.

Danny and Kirsch wound up in front due to their long legs, Mattie kneeling behind and leaning on the center console to give directions. Her clothes stayed supernaturally wrinkle-free. Mel and Betty took the second row, with Laura, Carmilla, and LaF in back.  
“Hey, not to be like, rude or whatever, but why can't we just use Sat-Nav?” Kirsch asked as they drove.  
“Because the baby anglerfish are mobile. She's staying in the same general area, but could be anywhere within fifty kilometers of where I last found her.” Mattie responded. “And as far as I know, none of you can sense her.” Laura and Carm looked at LaF, who shook their head and shrugged. 

Eventually they arrived at the right section of wilderness and piled out of the van. They'd been watching their phones’ bars, and still had signal. Mattie pointed to where the baby goddess was, LaFontaine flipped through a few settings in their eye before stating that they could see it.  
“You just happen to have a supernatural viewing setting?” Betty asked, skeptical.  
“Multiple.” LaF smiled. “They come in really handy for work. I helped with the specifications.” Laura sat cross-legged on the ground and began flipping through a spellbook, LaF and Mattie crouching on either side of her. The others took their weapons out of the trunk: Mel had a bow and quiver of arrows, Kirsch a spear, Betty a broadsword, Danny a baseball bat. Carmilla set down her backpack of first aid supplies and cracked her neck, preparing to shift into a panther if need be.

“We should probably have someone who can see this thing with the leading party.” Danny stated, annoyed. Without looking up, Laura gently pushed LaF forward.  
“You sure?” They asked.  
“Don't you want to get firsthand experience and record video and take samples and everything?” Laura asked. She pointed at a spell and Mattie shook her head.  
“Well, yeah, but if I die, Perry's gonna kill you, Frosh.”  
“Then don't die. Or Mattie can go help fight and you can help with spellcasting, I just figured you'd want to.”  
“I got it!” They jogged over to Carmilla and the others.

“Okay, so, where is it?” Kirsch asked.  
“About three or four metres that way.” LaFontaine pointed almost straight down.  
“We didn't bring any shovels.” He pointed out.  
“Yeah, let me see if we can access it from…  somewhere.” LaF looked around. “Hey Hollis, do you have a spell to make this thing corporeal? Because right now it's not.” Carmilla sighed at the setback. If they had to go on a quest for a special magical weapon before they could kill these things, she was not going to be happy with her sister.  
“Uhhh…” Laura began flipping through the book again. Mattie began chanting.  
“It's moving…” LaF stated, staring at the ground. “It's coming this way. We need to move!” They grabbed the person next to them, who happened to be Mel, and ran towards Laura and Mattie, the others following.

They stopped, turning to stare at the space they'd just vacated. “Can you see it at all? The back, the lure there?” They traced their finger through the air. Carmilla squinted.  
“Kind of.”  
“Maybe.” The vampires answered. The humans just shook their heads. Mattie continued chanting. The air in front of them shimmered, wavered, darkened, and became a solid baby anglerfish goddess about a metre tall.  
“Oh, sweet.” Betty walked over, hefted her broadsword, and cut its head almost completely off. They all stared at it for a few seconds, waiting for something else to happen.  
“LaF? What do you see?” Carmilla asked.  
“It's totally dead as far as I can tell.” They replied, pulling rubber gloves and plastic vials out of their pocket and stepping forward to collect samples.

“Well that was kinda boring.” Kirsch stated as they walked back to the van. “You're sure I can't make more fish beer?”  
“No fish beer.” Danny and Mel chorused authoritatively.  
“So why were we all necessary?” Mel asked.  
“Don't ask me.” Mattie replied.  
“Because now we know what we're up against, so hopefully we can take turns killing baby anglerfish.” Laura responded.

They all piled back in the van except Mattie. “I trust you can get back to the motel on your own?”  
“Hey, uh, not to be rude, again, but I think you smell like fish guts.” Kirsch told Betty.  
“Oh well. No stream or pond to wash it off in that I see.”  
“Mattie, any chance you can make this incorporeal again?” Carmilla asked from the back of the van.  
“Nope. It's dead now.” The ghost replied.  
“I thought you have Underworld powers.” Laura stated.  
“Unless you want me to bring it back to life I can't help. _Au revoir._ ” With that, she vanished. They all helped gather pine needles or pull up grass to try and wipe anglerfish goddess blood off Betty, but could only do so much. They heaped fresh pine needles and boughs in the trunk to lay the broadsword on, and try to cut down on the smell.

Kirsch drove back so Danny could nap, Carmilla doing the same on Laura's shoulder. Laura texted Perry their expected arrival time, receiving a picture of the baby asleep in return. They returned to the motel and woke the vampires, Betty went to wash her sword and have a shower as Laura and Carmilla relieved Perry of babysitting duty.

They entered the motel room quietly, greeted by their daughter.  
“Moomoo! Mama!” She reached for them.  
“Hello, Lovebug.” Laura grinned and picked her up.  
“So how was our little natural disaster?” Carmilla asked Perry.  
“Good, she calmed down about half an hour after you left, played with toys, practiced walking, had some mashed carrots, and just woke up from her nap a few minutes ago.”  
“Oh, same. The nap part at least.”  
“Do you think we should head home today?” Laura asked.  
“I think we should go check how much Warrior Princess stunk up the van.” Carmilla replied.  
“What happened?” Perry asked.  
“Betty got covered in supernatural anglerfish viscera when she decapitated it.” LaF replied, checking their sensors around the room.  
“I should probably go check on that.” Perry frowned, hurrying out of the room. A few minutes later she returned. “I'm heading to the store for cleaning supplies, does anyone need anything?” They all shook their heads and she went to check with the others.

Carmilla lay down on the bed.  
“Hey Carm, how about the humans all hang out in this room and you and Danny can sleep next door?”  
“Sure.” She mumbled.  
“Okay, let me go tell them the plan. You've got the baby.” She put the girl down beside her wife.  
“Moomoo.” The infant grabbed Carmilla's shirt and pulled herself up to stand.  
“Yes?”  
“Moomoo.” She sidled over to Carmilla's shoulders, standing on the vampire’s hair and patting her eye.  
“I am trying to sleep, Baby Brat. Can we have more naptime?” She held the girl to her chest and lay on her back, but the baby started to wriggle and whine. “Of course not.” She sighed.  
“Do you want to play with your Ommer LaF?” They asked, kneeling beside the bed. The baby crawled over to them. “Hi.” They grinned as she reached up. “Ow! Ow! Charity! That's my hair!” They exclaimed as she pulled herself up. Carmilla laughed. “Very funny.” They grumbled, glaring at the vampire from around the infant’s stomach.  
“You're the one who put your head at the same level as a baby.”  
“Charity, can you say 'ommer’?” They asked, looking up at her. She frowned at them. “Ahmmmer?” They tried. “Ahmmmer?”  
“AAAAAAAAAAAA!” She shrieked happily.  
“I think that's as close as you're going to get for now.” Carmilla smiled.

“Coming in.” Laura stated, opening the door for their friends.  
“Night, Carm.” Kirsch smiled as she passed him.  
“The baby's got LaF.” Carmilla kissed her wife's cheek.  
“You mean LaF has the baby?”  
“No.” Carmilla pointed over to the bed where LaF was still kneeling, Charity standing in their face and gripping their hair.  
“Hey.” They grinned.  
“Mama! AAAAAAAAAAAA!”  
“Yes, that's your Ommer.” Carmilla replied before turning to her wife. “Wake us when the van is clean, we can discuss the plan from there?”  
“Sure. Go to bed.”  
“Going.”

Carmilla knocked as she pushed open the door to the other room.  
“Hey.”  
“Hey.” She and Danny grunted in greeting as they lay on separate beds.


	6. McDonald's

“Moomoo!”  
“Uhf!” Carmilla grunted as the baby fell over her stomach. She looked down at the girl, then up at her wife. “You couldn't wake me with a kiss?” She complained. Laura reached down and picked up their daughter.  
“Give Mutti a kiss.” She instructed, setting the girl lengthwise on Carmilla's torso. The infant pressed her open mouth to Carmilla's collarbone.  
“How nice. Baby drool.” Carmilla scowled, sitting up, holding the girl to her torso. The baby kissed her again. “Yes, my little Trickster-in-Training, I love you too.” Carmilla kissed her head. “Big Red up yet?” She twisted to see the other bed.  
“I got to wake up like a normal person.” Danny teased.  
“Only thing you'll ever do like a normal person, Lawrence.”   
“Before we start what I'm sure will be a very impressive snarking competition!” Laura interrupted. “The van is Perry-clean, do we want to head home now, or stay here tonight? It's getting close to dinner time for humans.”  
“We already paid for two nights, might as well stay.” Danny reasoned.  
“We've got enough Hemo-soy, you can order Chinese or pizza or something.” Carmilla added.

So they did. They tried to feed the baby while eating, but that ended up being incredibly messy as she kept grabbing for their Chinese food, so they gave her a lo mein noodle to occupy her until they finished.

Laura was changing the baby's diaper as everyone took turns in the bathroom when Mattie appeared again.  
“If you want to go kill a baby anglerfish goddess, now's not a good time.” Laura told her.  
“Well I do have a list of approximate locations for more, and one of the cults is getting rather involved. That one's taken up residence in a McDonald's.”  
“Can it wait until next weekend? And why can't you do this on your own? You did almost all the work of the last one.” Laura pointed out.  
“Unfortunate side effect of working for a Death Goddess, I can't kill other deities, even baby anglerfish goddesses.”  
“Did you say McDonald's?” LaF asked, looking over.  
“Yes, they've vowed to never serve another Filet-o-Fish.” Mattie rolled her eyes.  
“Well, all us humans have to sleep soon so we can drive home tomorrow and go to work Monday. You'll have to ask Carm if she wants to kill it tonight once she's done brushing her teeth.” Laura shrugged.  
“Or Danny.” Perry added.  
“Or Danny.” Laura agreed.  
“Hey, Mattie.” Carmilla exited the bathroom. “What's up now?”  
“Another anglerfish goddess.”  
“This one's in a McDonald's.” LaFontaine grinned.  
“You’re quite pleased by that.” Carmilla noted.  
“Did you want to help me kill it tonight, or should I go next door and ask the infant?” Mattie finished.  
“We can do it. Kinda like old times.” Carmilla replied.

Laura and Carmilla hugged and kissed goodbye.  
“Please text if you won't be back by sunrise for some reason.” Laura asked.  
“Poptart, we'll be fine.” Carmilla soothed.  
“And no drinking the fish blood. Even on accident.”  
“Of course.” Carmilla smiled as her wife worried.  
“Be safe.”  
“Love you too.” They kissed once more, and with that the sisters left the hotel room.

“Can you teleport us there, or should we drive?” Carmilla asked.  
“I can take us both.” Mattie replied. They held hands and darkness enveloped them. Carmilla found she couldn't breathe, a rather uncomfortable feeling even though she didn't need oxygen. A minute later the darkness dissipated to reveal the exterior of a well lit McDonald's. It was so corporate-standard Carmilla wouldn't have given it a second thought in any other context. They went in to find it barren save a couple teenagers eating a late dinner, teens and middle aged people behind the counter.

“Welcome to Mc- HEY!” Matska dragged a cashier over the counter and put her hands on their head and shoulders to snap their neck.  
“Mattie.” Carmilla sighed.  
“Everyone needs to leave here, now.” Mattie demanded in a loud, clear voice. The humans all fled. Mattie let the teen go and they ran out the door.  
“They're probably all calling the cops.” Carmilla pointed out.  
“So the cops will find the body of a dead baby anglerfish goddess.” Mattie shrugged and began to chant. Carmilla looked around in the kitchen for something to use as a weapon.

“Okay, dear sister, all yours.” Mattie grinned. Carmilla drove the blade of a burger flipper through its skull.  
“Ugh.” She tried to wipe the blood off her hand, walking to the bathroom.

“Well that was quick.” Laura commented as the pair reappeared in the motel.  
“It was easy.” Carmilla shrugged. “Goodnight, Mattie.”  
“Goodnight, Mircalla.” She disappeared with a wave.  
“So what happened?” Laura asked.  
“I killed it with a burger flipper.”  
“What? Please tell the whole story, properly?” LaFontaine asked.  
“Mattie threatened an employee, everyone ran, she chanted, I smashed the metal part of a burger flipper through its brains, washed my hands, and we came back.”  
“She threatened an employee?” Laura frowned.  
“She didn't kill anyone, I'd consider that a success.” Carmilla shrugged. She sat on the bed, next to where the baby slept, pulling Laura down beside her. “Anyway, it's done now and we shouldn't have to kill another anglerfish until next weekend at the earliest.”  
“Hopefully it's not in Siberia or something.” Laura chuckled. LaFontaine hopped out of the other bed to knock on the wooden dresser.  
“Just covering all our bases.” They replied to Carmilla's raised eyebrow glare.

Carmilla worked on her laptop as the humans slept, the baby woke during the night but Carmilla was able to keep her quiet and get her back to sleep. The next morning they packed up the vans and checked out of the motel. The vampires slept most of the ride home. When they got home, Perry and LaF volunteered to stay with the baby so Laura could return her van, and Carmilla and Danny could sleep.

Carmilla woke that evening, wandering into the kitchen.  
“Good evening.” She kissed Laura's cheek.  
“Hey, Danny and the baby are in the living room.” Laura nodded her that direction. Carmilla went, finding Danny stooped over, the baby walking around, holding the redhead’s fingers.  
“Staying for dinner, Xena?”  
“Laura already offered, but no. Now that you're up I'm heading out in a few minutes, I was just watching the baby so Laura can work uninterrupted.”  
“Thanks.”

Danny hugged Laura goodbye and Carmilla and the baby waved the younger vampire off from the front door as she biked away.  
“Well, I'd say we managed pretty well.” Carmilla smiled, reentering the kitchen. “We easily killed two anglerfish goddesses.”  
“I'll be interested to know if the LaFerry equipment picked up any anglerfish gods, but yeah, that was surprisingly easy. It's just going to be annoying to go kill dozens of them.”  
“Isn't that part of the reason we invited all our school friends?”  
“Yeah, but still.”  
“Let's worry about that later.” Carmilla coaxed with a smile.  
“Sure, dinner's just about done anyway.” Laura turned off the stove, smiling as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! Hope you liked it!


End file.
